Again

If I could just see you looking at me again
With the eyes you gave me when our gazes made their first collision,
We grew love-drunk, Henny dizzy from the impact,
Tsunami of facial features
We were tadpoles through emotion-
drowning in immaturity,
Fighting to fight for a descent room of space in this sea puzzle of a world-Wet-
we were soaked,
dancing through our eye sockets,
eyelashes kissing every time that our lips met
You used to unlayer me
and I used to be your cocoon

If I could just wrap these wings around you again
So you could spring me into a butterfly with your scent embroidered onto this tree branch of a spine I have,
I'm always snapping to get a reaction out of you,
flying to catch your attention,
Resting feet and palms on your heart beats
It was always an earthquake every time your heart would thump,
I could never get used to your instability

You had me shaking,
vibrating with every melodic syllable that kissed the tip of your tongue
Do you remember when I assured you I'd always be there to up those freezing temperatures you had bellowing in the pit of your stomach?
I would stomach it all for you

But I if could feel your body temperature again
The slow drags of breath tip-toeing down my spine and painting the nape of my neck those sophomore days we spent freezing time on your CO-OP of a mattress
We never operated past words put our physical always cooperated

And the first time I felt your wings flutter inside of me,
It rained napalm rose petals on my doorstep
See, I never asked for 'cloud 9s' or 'toe curls'
I just wanted to kiss the sky with your palms pressed against mine so we could Waltz across the back of the sun without losing our equilibrium

If I could just hold your hand again
Encase our worlds into one tight grip and embrace fingertips until our tips grow too calloused to make heated music
We had insulation deficiency
I never assessed why our orchestras never got along,
growing oblivious to our lack of syncopation
They told me I could never have all of you,
but I let your tempos rock me back into your harmony of a soul
And I let your lips nod and bob the quizzical side of me into non existence-

I just wish we could slow dance again,
with your strength pressed against the small of my back,
If you could just text me another 'Good morning' again,
If I could just miss you for no apparent reason again,
If you could just sneak and give me another whispered 'Good night, Baby. I'll see you tomorrow' call again, I swear I would never ask for another again again

But Damn
I need to stop wishing I could see you again
But if I could turn our last time into our first
I would shove my soul through your retinas and tie it to the back of your throat so that every time you spit everyone would know that it was all about me,
Lasso your vulnerability,
Yolk it around my neck and force feed the idea of me into the first spot on your priority list

If could say that I love you and actually mean it,
I swear I would,
But you always took the 'I Love Yous' for 'Im IN Love with you' and I wasn't
But for once,
I want to be in love with you
And if could just paint your face into my sight again
I would sketch a picture of me precisely cutting the sun into replicas of you and painting the town bright with your radiance

I hope your insides stayed as beautiful as your outside-

I just wanna' preserve you again
Palm you like gift wrap and wrap myself back into your new paper thin persona
My God,
Look at what you've become and I still want a part of it

But if you could see that when you had me you had ALL of me,
there wouldn't be any more 'agains'
It would just be 'when's' like-

When will you marry into your fingerprints and make us 'one'- like
When will I actually trust you enough to let you feel what my heart feels like from inside of me-like
When will you stop looking at her because she swallows your ego and look at me-like
When will we dance through our eye sockets
Soaked
and Wet like when we first met and break out of these tadpole exteriors

If I could Love you as much as I Hate you right now,
I would stitch your voice to my cerebellum and rock to nothing but your symphony of a heart beat until God decimated our wings and gave us legs to dance with

If only I didn't see your face for the first time in a long time again,
I would be 'if'ing all these past experiences into someday possibilities